Have you done any essays or podcasts specifically on the piece about self-esteem? That is one of the pieces that is the most heartbreaking and hits so close to home for me. I'm curious who you've learned from and if you know folks that speak to this.
Yeah we were thinking about doing one on confidence and self esteem, especially since I lost mine and had to regain it lol. Thanks for bringing ot back around. Will noodle.
This was incredible - just nodded the whole way. It's wild how much women our age with this late diagnosis have similar stories. The part about being super punished for what was just a version of what everyone else was doing...broke my heart for our little selves.
I find it all so heartbreaking, which has given me a lot of compassion toward not just my younger self but THIS self right now. I love so much how she reminds us that we deserve gentleness.
This was suuuuch a good listen, I can’t wait to read her book! I’m 37, sober 4 years, and slowly and grudgingly pulling this thread. Soooo resonant—shout out IFS and DBT group (TIPP skills are big for me with my sensory stuff)
First Holly Whitaker, then Marsha Lienehan, then Dick Schwartz has been my order of operations for building an often happy, regulated, fulfilling life worth living, where I am often kind to myself (I.e I’m really not a fuck up!) 😝
Thank you for digging into all of this and sharing! I have been intimidated by the rabbit hole 🕳️🐰
Thank you for saying these things out loud. I don’t think most people understand (I don’t think even I understand) how much each of these pieces plays a part in daily life. There are so many things that the two of you said that I want to write down and pin up all over my walls (and a jacket) so I don't have to explain myself to people I can just point at the words.
The hypersensitivity. Lights are too bright. Some days are organized and some are chaos. I travel with lavender oil and Vicks to mask smells that make me nauseas (put a dab on my nose to create a blockade). The hyper arousal comedown at the end of a day. Needing to be deeply alone and in a sensory deprivation space to recover.
At the end you asked about other tips and I thought of a few of mine.
— I also make the smoothie in the morning. Enough for breakfast and lunch. Large mason jar. I include supplements protein and creatine and a large straw. I can drink it on calls if I forget to eat. Vacuum sealed water bottles keep it cold.
— I’ve heard exercise in the morning is great for rallying dopamine. I try to at least walk and get outside.
— Swimming is my favorite moving meditation.
— Audio sounds to help match my level of stimulation or my needs for stimulation (the Endel app has been wonderful for this).
— I have a standing desk and a treadmill so that I can walk to keep myself alert enough to be able to pay attention if I'm in a meeting.
— Otherwise I write and doodle while listening to people because it helps me focus.
— Telling people I need video to be VERY short, that I have 5 hours a week of video time so they need to use it very wisely.
— Not shaming myself if I need to look somewhere else and not make eye contact in order to better hear.
Gawd this is so relatable and I feel like I was listening to just two different versions of my own story. I appreciate what you said about not being able to find the empathy for myself until hearing it about someone else (you didn’t use those words, but I can’t remember what exactly it was). Someday I’ll have to chat with you about how when I told my mom (who also definitely has ADHD) about my diagnosis she told me a story about getting me tested as a young child, and it sounds like they knew I was ND at 4 years old, but no one ever followed up?? 🙃
Incredible. I felt SO seen when I read QLAW and now I feel it again after listening to this. I was diagnosed two months ago at age 48 and I feel like it has been more transformational than my sobriety was in 2020. Thank you for sharing this journey with us.
It’s wild isn’t it? I still like my sobriety was the most transformational thing, but this was the most liberating thing. Or maybe it’s the reverse? In any event, it makes me make sense. I’m so glad you are on this track of discovery.
Loved this episode and speaking the (female) invisible adhd experience aloud. I’m curious, what’s in the breakfast smoothie ? And any reccs on bone broth?
Curious too! I do smoothies as well, and use daily harvest premade ones (expensive, but the only way I make myself eat early). I have no idea on the bone broth, I'll ask her!
This is an amazing episode. Have you already published a reading list? I’m excited to get my hands on Nowhere Girl. I would also love to hear more about masking—I think drinking was very tied up with both masking and stimming for me and I’m just starting to untangle that piece. Thank you for all you do!!
Tears and laughs and solace - T H A N K you for this rich episode
right? that's how I felt :)
Have you done any essays or podcasts specifically on the piece about self-esteem? That is one of the pieces that is the most heartbreaking and hits so close to home for me. I'm curious who you've learned from and if you know folks that speak to this.
Yeah we were thinking about doing one on confidence and self esteem, especially since I lost mine and had to regain it lol. Thanks for bringing ot back around. Will noodle.
This was incredible - just nodded the whole way. It's wild how much women our age with this late diagnosis have similar stories. The part about being super punished for what was just a version of what everyone else was doing...broke my heart for our little selves.
I find it all so heartbreaking, which has given me a lot of compassion toward not just my younger self but THIS self right now. I love so much how she reminds us that we deserve gentleness.
This was suuuuch a good listen, I can’t wait to read her book! I’m 37, sober 4 years, and slowly and grudgingly pulling this thread. Soooo resonant—shout out IFS and DBT group (TIPP skills are big for me with my sensory stuff)
First Holly Whitaker, then Marsha Lienehan, then Dick Schwartz has been my order of operations for building an often happy, regulated, fulfilling life worth living, where I am often kind to myself (I.e I’m really not a fuck up!) 😝
Thank you for digging into all of this and sharing! I have been intimidated by the rabbit hole 🕳️🐰
With you, always. x, Brooke
We aren’t fuck ups!! There are reasons!!
Thank you for saying these things out loud. I don’t think most people understand (I don’t think even I understand) how much each of these pieces plays a part in daily life. There are so many things that the two of you said that I want to write down and pin up all over my walls (and a jacket) so I don't have to explain myself to people I can just point at the words.
The hypersensitivity. Lights are too bright. Some days are organized and some are chaos. I travel with lavender oil and Vicks to mask smells that make me nauseas (put a dab on my nose to create a blockade). The hyper arousal comedown at the end of a day. Needing to be deeply alone and in a sensory deprivation space to recover.
At the end you asked about other tips and I thought of a few of mine.
— I also make the smoothie in the morning. Enough for breakfast and lunch. Large mason jar. I include supplements protein and creatine and a large straw. I can drink it on calls if I forget to eat. Vacuum sealed water bottles keep it cold.
— I’ve heard exercise in the morning is great for rallying dopamine. I try to at least walk and get outside.
— Swimming is my favorite moving meditation.
— Audio sounds to help match my level of stimulation or my needs for stimulation (the Endel app has been wonderful for this).
— I have a standing desk and a treadmill so that I can walk to keep myself alert enough to be able to pay attention if I'm in a meeting.
— Otherwise I write and doodle while listening to people because it helps me focus.
— Telling people I need video to be VERY short, that I have 5 hours a week of video time so they need to use it very wisely.
— Not shaming myself if I need to look somewhere else and not make eye contact in order to better hear.
Gawd this is so relatable and I feel like I was listening to just two different versions of my own story. I appreciate what you said about not being able to find the empathy for myself until hearing it about someone else (you didn’t use those words, but I can’t remember what exactly it was). Someday I’ll have to chat with you about how when I told my mom (who also definitely has ADHD) about my diagnosis she told me a story about getting me tested as a young child, and it sounds like they knew I was ND at 4 years old, but no one ever followed up?? 🙃
That’s how I felt reading her book, like I was reading my story. That story sounds about right…
I’ve already added it to my list of 500 books to read someday, but I think I might actually read this one.
I really think it’s worth it. I couldn’t put it down. Mostly narrative.
Incredible. I felt SO seen when I read QLAW and now I feel it again after listening to this. I was diagnosed two months ago at age 48 and I feel like it has been more transformational than my sobriety was in 2020. Thank you for sharing this journey with us.
It’s wild isn’t it? I still like my sobriety was the most transformational thing, but this was the most liberating thing. Or maybe it’s the reverse? In any event, it makes me make sense. I’m so glad you are on this track of discovery.
I’d also be interested in learning more about advocacy for our children in schools , as I’m just navigating this experience as well.
Loved this episode and speaking the (female) invisible adhd experience aloud. I’m curious, what’s in the breakfast smoothie ? And any reccs on bone broth?
Curious too! I do smoothies as well, and use daily harvest premade ones (expensive, but the only way I make myself eat early). I have no idea on the bone broth, I'll ask her!
This is an amazing episode. Have you already published a reading list? I’m excited to get my hands on Nowhere Girl. I would also love to hear more about masking—I think drinking was very tied up with both masking and stimming for me and I’m just starting to untangle that piece. Thank you for all you do!!