THREAD: How do you feel about your sobriety or recovery these days? Has it changed?
Is there an actual “backlash” or "anti-sobriety movement", is it surface disturbance, or are we just tired of performing goodness?
Hi! If you are feeling it, can you try and respond to these questions in the comments? I’ve been working on a book on topics related to this discussion and your shares go a very long way.
[Update: If you want to respond and don’t feel comfortable sharing in the comments, I’d love to read your answers. You can email me them at contact@hollywhitaker.com. There are already a number of thoughtful shares and conversations below, and they’re great to read.]
1. Has your relationship to sobriety or recovery changed in the past few years in relation to aging, diagnosis, hormones/peri-menopause, trauma work, medication, cannabis or psychedelics, harm reduction, burnout, wellness culture, internet sobriety culture, what’s happening in the world {open to interpretation!}, or just life?
2. If so, what does that look like for you?
3. Are you aware of a backlash against “sobriety culture” etc., and what do you make of it?
Hi buddies.
Though I’ve posted (and still post) sporadically, have an account, and scroll on occasion, I see myself as having left Instagram in 2021, which is when I had a little menty-b and found being out of my fucking mind incompatible with giving advice to strangers on how to live their best life. Way back then, I posted something smart about being lost and how I was gonna BRB, then never really got to the RB, and somehow five years came and went and now here I am, logging onto Instagram with as much technical confidence as my 81-y/o mother, and wondering if the single post I read about sobriety culture ending is something everyone is talking about or something a country singer said that’s being treated as fact.
Which is where you come in, and hopefully answer these questions. Is it true? Is it hype? Are we upset about sobriety culture now, or are we upset about something else?
If you’ve been here for a while, you probably know my own sobriety, as well as my relationship to “sobriety culture” (being one of the creators of it) has changed. I’m not going to rehash that all here because I love you so much and you can only take so many repeats, so there’s links down below if you’re new.
Thank you thank you thank you for your input—it's massively helpful.
Reminder: if you cannot afford a subscription—as in, its groceries and gas or access to my little Substack (not you *could* pay, but it’s not a priority) please email contact@hollywhitaker.com to ask for a comped subscription. Subject line should say “Comped subscription” and text should say “I cannot afford a subscription at this time.”
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1. Has your relationship to sobriety or recovery changed in the past few years in relation to aging, diagnosis, hormones/peri-menopause, trauma work, medication, cannabis or psychedelics, harm reduction, burnout, wellness culture, internet sobriety culture, what’s happening in the world {open to interpretation!}, or just life?
Yes, it has changed.
3. If so, what does that look like for you?
I am six+ years sober (1.3.20) and my first three years of that sobriety was an absence of all substances (minus caffeine), with a brief period of giving up sugar as well. I took a break from my career during those years to work on said sobriety. In 2022, I accepted a position in my career field and accepted all the stressors that go along with it. In 2023, I had my first experience with gummies taking three over the course of a month. In 2024 I smoked a joint in a vineyard looking at the sun setting over a mountaintop and felt grateful to be alive. In 2025 I began using gummies more often recreationally and I still use them to that end today. I suppose I am going into detail to give you the gradual lifestyle creep that has happened. I would like to end the usage, but I am having a hard time finding alternative “rewards” and stress relief from my job.
5. Are you aware of a backlash against “sobriety culture” etc., and what do you make of it?
No, this is the first I am hearing of it. However, I am in the beverage industry, and I suppose there has always been tension in my field around this topic. Once sales reps find out I am sober (I don’t hide it, am open about it, but don’t wear a hat on my head announcing it either), they treat me with respect that may have more to do with the fact that I am the largest buyer of alcohol (for restaurants and hotels) in our small town than out of any real respect for my sobriety.
After 7 years of recovery work and 57 years of living - I realized my mother wound. My brother died when I was 10 and he was 6. My mother turned her anger on me. And I accepted her judgement as my own and the voice of "You will never amount to anything". was deeply instilled my whole life. That wound paired with my rebel nature and that I am verbal processor really put a lot of challenges in front of me. - The point is drinking I would never have found it. 1 year of sobriety - I did not find it. Who knows what the lesson is ..
At 7 years into my sobriety - I have lost that feeling of what it was like being stuck in the hell of trying to escape ... I wish I still remembered better - cause I try to relate to others and it seems so far away...
But sobriety does help me in every part of my life... I am not aware of the sober culture so to speak ... but I think the idea of loneliness is going to be a bigger and bigger issue. and people who think being Sober contributes are crazy ... the answer is to learn to make friends .. which is really fucking hard when everyone has their nose in their phones.
So there you go .. my update. Holly was the voice that I was able to hold onto until I was strong enough to walk it myself... Her Fuck the world - I will find my own path...is what I needed to hear. Her voice made me understand that I was stronger than I thought .. and I could do this .. .. and I love her for it.
Now I walk with others in Austin ... I show up at a local park and walk with others on Thursday nights at 6:30pm ... if you are in Austin or pass through for a conference and want to come walk with us - let me know.
The thing that bothers me these days ... is all the bravado from sober coaches or influences most I do not know - - I am sure they are doing good work - but the certainty they sell.. the notion that Sobriety is going to make your life all better .... bothers me .
Life is better without the alcohol no doubt - but I see it as the starting place and I certainly do not want to tell people how to get sober with certainty .. I try to just tell my story ... the world is fucked up and who am I to offer the fix to it ...
Terry