So, a few things, dear Holly. First, so much love. Two, QLAW is a wonderful book and was a great help to me in recovery, so thank you. Three, what happened to you at Tempest was a shameful thing engineered by despicable people. I say that having been through workplace cabals myself and while perpetrators offer many rationalizations, they are almost based in greed, cruelty, selfishness, insecurity, power and incompetence. Four, I look forward to your writings on relapse, so widely misunderstood. I remember sitting in a recovery meeting where a few arrogant jerks stated that anyone who picked up was dead to them. How supportive right? That not drinking was simple. I replied that yes,it might be simple but it is never easy. I also remember a different mtg where triggers were discussed, people going around: "My trigger is success, mine is failure, mine is warm days, mine is snowy days, the beach, the mountains etc." Finally, this one guy stood up, a NAM vet, and said quietly:" My trigger is oxygen". Mic drop. So, yes, simple, maybe, but usually fucking hard. Relapse is not failure IMO. Begin again, as Tara Brach might say. Failure is giving up. Anyway, I digress. I look forward to the book, whenever it arrives. Maybe I'll make a signing. Hugs.
Dearest Joe, as always thank you for being here and chiming in with such kind and affirmative and thoughtful things. You are such a gem of a human and I appreciate you so much. All the hugs.
Thank you for this, Holly. People don’t know about the neurodivergent to addiction pipeline. I didn’t. I was diagnosed with autism at 49, and prior to that I’d thought “well I can’t be autistic because I’ve been drunk every day for 35 years,” because I believed in some fictional stereotype. I also didn’t know about the relationship between suicide and neurodivergence, and I’ve been suicidal most my life. And maybe the biggest surprise was the link between autism and sex work - but considering how difficult employment is for us, it’s really not that surprising.
I just finished a memoir about all of the above, and I’m searching for an agent. I hope it finds a home and helps even half the number of people your book helped.
Hi hi, wow. The neurodivergent to addiction pipeline!!! Damn. Leah thanks for sharing this, can u email me (just reply to any newsletter or email contact@hollywhitaker.com)
FWIW, I loved QLAW. It was a giant, "See?!?!" for me, defining and articulating so many things that were bedrock truths for me and for this culture we live in. In the aftermath of QLAW (pandemic, insurrection, and the vast escalation of toxic patriarchy), I experienced a parallel to your professional path--deciding to leave an organization I had largely created, shepherding it through to a "healthy" next level and bringing on my successor to continue what I had built--and I was also subsequently cancelled from that very organization, experiencing the same devastation and shame and dismay. I also withdrew from my previous life, including getting off all social media. Maybe this is why I didn't fully notice that you had disappeared, Holly. Because if I had noticed it I would have reached out to help catch you and support you. Suffice it to say, I am incredibly grateful you're still around and coming back with your truth and your vulnerability. Keep up the good work of trying to figure it all out, and keep sharing it; there are people out there who want and need it.
It's a really specific thing isn't it??? I know quite a few people who've been through similar experiences, and all had the same-ish responses. Sending you all the tenderness right back.
"..trouble making abstinence stick/white knuckling, hormonal fluctuations, neurodivergence, learning/processing differences, cPTSD, relational trauma, etc." — Yep. This preaches. Thank you for bearing witness at the delta.
Holly I can’t tell you how excited with the work you are currently doing. Relapse was / has been such a part of my story. I have loved being part of your work and platforms. Just thank you for all of this.
This is all so relevant and appreciated and I continually point people (and myself) to your work because the intersection of all this is so deeply revealing when there has previously been no space to understand how all these things work together and just fix peopel into the wrong boxes. Thank you for continual seeking and working and sharing.
Holly, I'm thrilled for your continued growth, learning and sharing. QLAW changed my life and HOME was effectively the soundtrack to my quitting and early recovery (I am 4.5 years ecstatically sober.) Of this incredible list of conditions and intersections that you are bravely exploring, I can only raise my hand to the menopause journey (I am 57, and quit about 6 months after passing the one-year-no-period marker), very specifically and in a very powerful way that I have never seen articulated elsewhere. For all the focus on MHT and everything else medical and physiological that is hugely important about menopause (hot flashes, weight stuff, sleep etc), I want to point to the archetype of the Wise Woman, who is often bypassed on the Maiden/Mother/Crone list. At the risk of sounding goofy, relating to this powerful archetype rising within me as I was losing a heap of other things (selling my company, daughter leaving home, death of a parent, plus of course my cycle, plus all the things Covid), finding her and drawing on her protective strength made me feel like I had my own back in a way that I had never experienced. Having been observing the menopause conversation for a few years, I feel like we can miss what's positive and powerful about it, that--at least for me--made an enormous difference to my sobriety and recovery. Your Wise fan!
I love this, and haven't heard of wise woman, I thought wise was crone, and the fourth was wild woman? Nonetheless this feels resonant to the space I'm in, which is so surprisingly accepting of the changes, the invisibility and the aging out, etc. For me, this is by far the best part of my life, *because* of all the terrible.
I was so hoping you would write more on these topics, particularly on perimenopause and cannabis. I believe the former caused me to blow up my entire professional career and flirt with (tw) suicidal ideation, and I fell back into addictive patterns using the latter to cope with the symptoms. The past few years have been a shit show — but I’m forever grateful to you and HSS and The Mantra Project for helping me to get sober from alcohol in the first place. Those lessons gave me the foundational tools to dig myself out of some deep holes.
100%, thanks for this and so glad you are okay. Yeah, the cannabis hormone (and for me neuroD and chronic trauma loop I was in) was such a motherfucker! So glad you're here
Holly, I am sooooo excited about this series!!! And, btw, I absolutely loved QLAW, and return to it often. My brother and his daughters were diagnosed with ADHD. One of my daughters was diagnosed with ADHD and Level 1 autism spectrum. I feel pretty sure I also have ADHD. I've been diagnosed with C-PTSD, traits of BPD, and bipolar NOS. I went through a brutal end to the marriage I was sure would last forever. I'm 56 and deep into perimenopause. And I've been struggling to stay sober for at least 5 years. It's a LOT!!! I find it really upsetting that perimenopause isnt't better understood and talked about more openly. I talk openly about it at work and can tell it makes people uncomfortable. Oh well. Anyway, thank you again for all that you share, and I can hardly wait for all your upcoming offerings:)
Just another thank you for sharing what you are up to. I read QLAW 3 years ago and it changed my life and my recovery and I am so grateful. I am excited to read/listen to all you have upcoming. Thank you for everything you do!
So, a few things, dear Holly. First, so much love. Two, QLAW is a wonderful book and was a great help to me in recovery, so thank you. Three, what happened to you at Tempest was a shameful thing engineered by despicable people. I say that having been through workplace cabals myself and while perpetrators offer many rationalizations, they are almost based in greed, cruelty, selfishness, insecurity, power and incompetence. Four, I look forward to your writings on relapse, so widely misunderstood. I remember sitting in a recovery meeting where a few arrogant jerks stated that anyone who picked up was dead to them. How supportive right? That not drinking was simple. I replied that yes,it might be simple but it is never easy. I also remember a different mtg where triggers were discussed, people going around: "My trigger is success, mine is failure, mine is warm days, mine is snowy days, the beach, the mountains etc." Finally, this one guy stood up, a NAM vet, and said quietly:" My trigger is oxygen". Mic drop. So, yes, simple, maybe, but usually fucking hard. Relapse is not failure IMO. Begin again, as Tara Brach might say. Failure is giving up. Anyway, I digress. I look forward to the book, whenever it arrives. Maybe I'll make a signing. Hugs.
Dearest Joe, as always thank you for being here and chiming in with such kind and affirmative and thoughtful things. You are such a gem of a human and I appreciate you so much. All the hugs.
Thank you for this, Holly. People don’t know about the neurodivergent to addiction pipeline. I didn’t. I was diagnosed with autism at 49, and prior to that I’d thought “well I can’t be autistic because I’ve been drunk every day for 35 years,” because I believed in some fictional stereotype. I also didn’t know about the relationship between suicide and neurodivergence, and I’ve been suicidal most my life. And maybe the biggest surprise was the link between autism and sex work - but considering how difficult employment is for us, it’s really not that surprising.
I just finished a memoir about all of the above, and I’m searching for an agent. I hope it finds a home and helps even half the number of people your book helped.
Hi hi, wow. The neurodivergent to addiction pipeline!!! Damn. Leah thanks for sharing this, can u email me (just reply to any newsletter or email contact@hollywhitaker.com)
FWIW, I loved QLAW. It was a giant, "See?!?!" for me, defining and articulating so many things that were bedrock truths for me and for this culture we live in. In the aftermath of QLAW (pandemic, insurrection, and the vast escalation of toxic patriarchy), I experienced a parallel to your professional path--deciding to leave an organization I had largely created, shepherding it through to a "healthy" next level and bringing on my successor to continue what I had built--and I was also subsequently cancelled from that very organization, experiencing the same devastation and shame and dismay. I also withdrew from my previous life, including getting off all social media. Maybe this is why I didn't fully notice that you had disappeared, Holly. Because if I had noticed it I would have reached out to help catch you and support you. Suffice it to say, I am incredibly grateful you're still around and coming back with your truth and your vulnerability. Keep up the good work of trying to figure it all out, and keep sharing it; there are people out there who want and need it.
It's a really specific thing isn't it??? I know quite a few people who've been through similar experiences, and all had the same-ish responses. Sending you all the tenderness right back.
"..trouble making abstinence stick/white knuckling, hormonal fluctuations, neurodivergence, learning/processing differences, cPTSD, relational trauma, etc." — Yep. This preaches. Thank you for bearing witness at the delta.
Carissa <3
Holly I can’t tell you how excited with the work you are currently doing. Relapse was / has been such a part of my story. I have loved being part of your work and platforms. Just thank you for all of this.
Hiii <3 Thanks for this note Miranda.
Maintaining in a kinda lovely way 💕💕💕💕💕
❤️🔥
This is all so relevant and appreciated and I continually point people (and myself) to your work because the intersection of all this is so deeply revealing when there has previously been no space to understand how all these things work together and just fix peopel into the wrong boxes. Thank you for continual seeking and working and sharing.
Thank you for this Eleanor (and for sending people to my work!). <3
Thank you for doing what you do, the way you do it. 💙
Yvonne <3
Holly, I'm thrilled for your continued growth, learning and sharing. QLAW changed my life and HOME was effectively the soundtrack to my quitting and early recovery (I am 4.5 years ecstatically sober.) Of this incredible list of conditions and intersections that you are bravely exploring, I can only raise my hand to the menopause journey (I am 57, and quit about 6 months after passing the one-year-no-period marker), very specifically and in a very powerful way that I have never seen articulated elsewhere. For all the focus on MHT and everything else medical and physiological that is hugely important about menopause (hot flashes, weight stuff, sleep etc), I want to point to the archetype of the Wise Woman, who is often bypassed on the Maiden/Mother/Crone list. At the risk of sounding goofy, relating to this powerful archetype rising within me as I was losing a heap of other things (selling my company, daughter leaving home, death of a parent, plus of course my cycle, plus all the things Covid), finding her and drawing on her protective strength made me feel like I had my own back in a way that I had never experienced. Having been observing the menopause conversation for a few years, I feel like we can miss what's positive and powerful about it, that--at least for me--made an enormous difference to my sobriety and recovery. Your Wise fan!
I love this, and haven't heard of wise woman, I thought wise was crone, and the fourth was wild woman? Nonetheless this feels resonant to the space I'm in, which is so surprisingly accepting of the changes, the invisibility and the aging out, etc. For me, this is by far the best part of my life, *because* of all the terrible.
Can't wait for Fawning and Recovery Culture!
<3
I was so hoping you would write more on these topics, particularly on perimenopause and cannabis. I believe the former caused me to blow up my entire professional career and flirt with (tw) suicidal ideation, and I fell back into addictive patterns using the latter to cope with the symptoms. The past few years have been a shit show — but I’m forever grateful to you and HSS and The Mantra Project for helping me to get sober from alcohol in the first place. Those lessons gave me the foundational tools to dig myself out of some deep holes.
Also QLAW rules.
ETA: I’m OK now!
(Also: As OK as one can be)
100%, thanks for this and so glad you are okay. Yeah, the cannabis hormone (and for me neuroD and chronic trauma loop I was in) was such a motherfucker! So glad you're here
OMG I cannot wait for this
<3
holly i’m excited for this series!! loved the first “ep”
YAY
Holly, I am sooooo excited about this series!!! And, btw, I absolutely loved QLAW, and return to it often. My brother and his daughters were diagnosed with ADHD. One of my daughters was diagnosed with ADHD and Level 1 autism spectrum. I feel pretty sure I also have ADHD. I've been diagnosed with C-PTSD, traits of BPD, and bipolar NOS. I went through a brutal end to the marriage I was sure would last forever. I'm 56 and deep into perimenopause. And I've been struggling to stay sober for at least 5 years. It's a LOT!!! I find it really upsetting that perimenopause isnt't better understood and talked about more openly. I talk openly about it at work and can tell it makes people uncomfortable. Oh well. Anyway, thank you again for all that you share, and I can hardly wait for all your upcoming offerings:)
My girl. lol. It's wild isn't it? How specific these things are and yet how common they are? So glad you're here.
You are describing me with all of those boxes. I’m excited and hopeful to hear the connections and potential strategies for managing this mess!
<3 Sooo many
Just another thank you for sharing what you are up to. I read QLAW 3 years ago and it changed my life and my recovery and I am so grateful. I am excited to read/listen to all you have upcoming. Thank you for everything you do!
Thank you Alison <3