Day 1: How to start (or start again)

My new audio guide, a 30 DAY PROGRAM to help you quit drinking, is out

1. AN OLD VIDEO

The first time I tried to quit drinking was in late 2012. I was successful for a few months, but then during the holiday season that year thinking I had conquered alcohol by abstaining from it for a few months, I drank at a party. This led to a very, very fast return to extremely unhealthy behavior, and I rang in 2013 in a blackout bender that lasted multiple days.

When January 1st, 2013 came around (the day I planned to start fixing myself again) I couldn’t meet the moment, and I drank through it. On January 2nd, 2013, I started again.

Below is a video I made a few years ago about that first day of 2013—about barely surviving the holidays in the first place, failing myself yet again in a terrifying way, waking up to the nightmare and that specific searing pain, and taking those first agonizing steps toward healing when it felt like the most impossible and futile thing I could do. I called the video Carry The Fuck On, because someone had said that to me when I didn’t thi…