"I wanted as many people as possible to engage with my work because I’ve been socialized to believe that is what success looks like. I don’t believe that anymore." THIS!
I applaud you Holly and something about this piece made me immediately become a paid subscriber. Perhaps because I resonate so much with lots of what you have written here. I am glad you are not giving away your stuff for free, I have felt like I must do that because of my privilege and it is not useful or helpful. I am also relearning what success looks like and prefer depth over breadth. Your points about impact are so wise. Looking forward to hearing more about neurodivergence from you. I have recently wondered if drinking is all about dulling the tormenting sensory experience of being very sensitive.
yes yes yes!! In terms of the sensory stuff - I use a weighted blanket and a hot water bottle a lot (placed on my adrenals and I sit with it like that) and that is very soothing for my nervous system. Generally with sensory aids it is about establishing our own sensory profile in different areas and responding to that. I also find stretching and joint compression a great resource - the proprioceptive input is calming. There are probably a bunch of things you already do that are actually in response to your sensory needs - we are very wise that way (except if we have shame and think we shouldn't do something or we think that we are weird). I say - embrace the weird.
I recently had that realization as well - I drank my way through my 20s and 30s and I can now see how much I used it to dull the overwhelm of the mainstream world.
This! I've only recently discovered my neurodivergence. I quit alcohol a year ago after reading Quit Like A Woman. The thing that helped me most was when Holly stated (not word for word) if there's a situation where you can't imagine not using alcohol, maybe you should reconsider if it's a situation you should be in the first place. It made me realize so much of my drinking was me actually dulling my sensory sensitivities.
YES!! I realised so much of when I was drinking was actually because I was bored/overwhelmed/disinterested/just wanted to be at home or I was having conversations and pretending to be interested in things because I thought I should (for whatever reason). Working on my own codependence really helped with that.
“We are so fucked up in terms of what we think impact actually is. Impact is having a conversation with a person no one talks to. Impact is holding a door open. Impact is writing something that makes one person feel less alone. I am re-learning this.”
"A lot of my internal work over the past four years has been about coming as I am and in service of the collective instead of coming as I think I’m supposed to be in service of an idea of a person I never was."
I'll reread this sentence many times in the next couple of days. Thank you.
That Elise L podcast was a banger—I pulled so many quotes from it.
Glad you’re back, Holly. Glad you’ve been taking what you need and leaving what you don’t need behind. Looking forward to being in community with you here.
Thanks for this as always. Stoked about the new book, and will definitely let folks know about the 30 day program and (5 years no alcohol as of Jan 1 2025) I’ll probably end up listening to it too. Quit like a woman was the first sobriety book I read the week I quit drinking. Glad you are feeling good and energized.
"I am so, so over the aspects of my work that are about maintaining a kind of image or authority, a perfection, a standard-bearer, an example." HOLLY I just wrote an essay THIS AFTERNOON on this very thing myself. The details of our last four years are very different, but so SO much about them are mirror images. I have just returned to land after 4 years at sea and am kicking off a new chapter myself, and I'm energized but also extremely intentional about how I want to go about it -- both personally and professionally. Thank you for another sharp and insightful piece and I can't wait to see where you go from here. Excited to be along for the ride!
I look forward of being a member of the community you plan to cultivate.
Also, I second taking a break from Substack. I do that intermittently when I feel stuck creatively and as though there are too many words and ideas floating around in my brain. It helps.
When I see the lovely combination of letters that make up your name in my inbox I can't help but click on them, it's pavlovian, I begin to salivate for this soul food. Appreciation aside, I need some clarification. I've been a subscriber for a few years and have just gone with the flow. I'd like to continue with the auto subscription so I just had a little chat bot interaction and when I asked if I'd be automatically subscribed again on January 4rth, they were confused because there were no previous charges. There was also no way to make a payment and it said billing payment renews January 4. Chatbot couldn't answer, their confusion indicates computers have a long way to go before taking over the world..Yay... but on the other, my question, Will it be automatically taken out (my credit card number is still there) was left unanswered. Knowing Chatbot has nothing on Holly....I'll ask, should I just wait till Jan 4 and hope it renews?
Ugh Con, it's such a bad experience for subscribers (which as a subscriber...like I cannot believe how hard it is to change some of my subscriptions). Afton has this but also, you can always respond to any email and a real person, either Afton or myself, will get to the bottom of it. To the other points, just holding it all so close to my heart. Thanks for being here and pavlovian is a wild compliment <3 xx
Hi! This is Afton, Holly’s assistant. Thank you for your comment! I’ll follow up via email to clarify your subscription details and ensure everything is all set. 😊
This footnote! “We are so fucked up in terms of what we think impact actually is. Impact is having a conversation with a person no one talks to. Impact is holding a door open. Impact is writing something that makes one person feel less alone. I am re-learning this.”
I would like to read seven books on this alone please 😂
Your writing provides a service and therefore your service should be paid for and should be valued just as any other profession if not more. The great thinkers of our time,YOU, need to be heard/read and be able to provide for themselves and their loved ones. Cheers to your new endeavor!
So glad you are back. I loved this article - my experience is that I sometimes prefer to do the things I’m “not” holding myself accountable for. Enjoying your continuing candor. ❤️
Yes to neurodivergence! Late diagnosed AuDHD here. It is so intertwined with addiction for me. I recently left a sobriety support group because they dismissed the connection between ableism and addiction for neurodivergent people. *sigh
It is SO connected and the thing I've found the most is that addiction is discussed in AuDHD literature but the reverse isn't true. I have a google alert on "ADHD + Addiction" and I get one hit once a week. Anyway, thanks for chiming in on this. And for being here. xx
As someone who has been kind of floundering here for the last year, this felt so helpful and resonant and supportive to read -- and reminded me to take a look at what might need shifting in my own public-facing work. Thank you as ever for your willingness to let your process be witnessed; it makes a difference. xx <3 <3
Hi sweetie, I had to check, but I never opted out of my paid subscription. Hooray! You sound so very clear voiced, it makes me happy. Go for it, woman, be whatever you are . Hugs
Hello from Australia. I’ve signed up as a paid subscriber, I read your book years ago and it had a profound impact on me. Our lives are so different and yet so much of what you say/write resonates strongly. Can’t wait for the newsletters :)
"I wanted as many people as possible to engage with my work because I’ve been socialized to believe that is what success looks like. I don’t believe that anymore." THIS!
It has taken me a long time to make this flip and I mean it, you've been such an example for me for like a decade.
That is very meaningful to me 💜
I applaud you Holly and something about this piece made me immediately become a paid subscriber. Perhaps because I resonate so much with lots of what you have written here. I am glad you are not giving away your stuff for free, I have felt like I must do that because of my privilege and it is not useful or helpful. I am also relearning what success looks like and prefer depth over breadth. Your points about impact are so wise. Looking forward to hearing more about neurodivergence from you. I have recently wondered if drinking is all about dulling the tormenting sensory experience of being very sensitive.
ohhh thank you for this. Just want to like it 100 times. <3 YES. We get to make money and be paid for our work!
yes yes yes!! In terms of the sensory stuff - I use a weighted blanket and a hot water bottle a lot (placed on my adrenals and I sit with it like that) and that is very soothing for my nervous system. Generally with sensory aids it is about establishing our own sensory profile in different areas and responding to that. I also find stretching and joint compression a great resource - the proprioceptive input is calming. There are probably a bunch of things you already do that are actually in response to your sensory needs - we are very wise that way (except if we have shame and think we shouldn't do something or we think that we are weird). I say - embrace the weird.
I recently had that realization as well - I drank my way through my 20s and 30s and I can now see how much I used it to dull the overwhelm of the mainstream world.
Totally!! And now that I am much more in control of my context/environment everything is quieter.
In my experience this has been true for me. I use sensory aids and that is making a huge difference.
Which sensory aids?
This! I've only recently discovered my neurodivergence. I quit alcohol a year ago after reading Quit Like A Woman. The thing that helped me most was when Holly stated (not word for word) if there's a situation where you can't imagine not using alcohol, maybe you should reconsider if it's a situation you should be in the first place. It made me realize so much of my drinking was me actually dulling my sensory sensitivities.
YES!! I realised so much of when I was drinking was actually because I was bored/overwhelmed/disinterested/just wanted to be at home or I was having conversations and pretending to be interested in things because I thought I should (for whatever reason). Working on my own codependence really helped with that.
Looking forward to sticking around.
Also this is such a beautiful reminder:
“We are so fucked up in terms of what we think impact actually is. Impact is having a conversation with a person no one talks to. Impact is holding a door open. Impact is writing something that makes one person feel less alone. I am re-learning this.”
Thank you for your writing.
mmmm yes. I loved that footnote and I'm glad you found it. 🫂
"A lot of my internal work over the past four years has been about coming as I am and in service of the collective instead of coming as I think I’m supposed to be in service of an idea of a person I never was."
I'll reread this sentence many times in the next couple of days. Thank you.
<3
That Elise L podcast was a banger—I pulled so many quotes from it.
Glad you’re back, Holly. Glad you’ve been taking what you need and leaving what you don’t need behind. Looking forward to being in community with you here.
total fucking banger
Thanks for this as always. Stoked about the new book, and will definitely let folks know about the 30 day program and (5 years no alcohol as of Jan 1 2025) I’ll probably end up listening to it too. Quit like a woman was the first sobriety book I read the week I quit drinking. Glad you are feeling good and energized.
Yay!!! 5 years baby!!!!! And on January 1 no less <3
"I am so, so over the aspects of my work that are about maintaining a kind of image or authority, a perfection, a standard-bearer, an example." HOLLY I just wrote an essay THIS AFTERNOON on this very thing myself. The details of our last four years are very different, but so SO much about them are mirror images. I have just returned to land after 4 years at sea and am kicking off a new chapter myself, and I'm energized but also extremely intentional about how I want to go about it -- both personally and professionally. Thank you for another sharp and insightful piece and I can't wait to see where you go from here. Excited to be along for the ride!
I SAW IT! I haven't read it because I want to savor it. I can't wait. You're off the boat?! Okay don't tell me. Excited to be riding along <3
I look forward of being a member of the community you plan to cultivate.
Also, I second taking a break from Substack. I do that intermittently when I feel stuck creatively and as though there are too many words and ideas floating around in my brain. It helps.
Totally. It's too much talking, too much noise, too many opinions. I have to extremely judicious and careful with it. Thanks for being here Lou <3
When I see the lovely combination of letters that make up your name in my inbox I can't help but click on them, it's pavlovian, I begin to salivate for this soul food. Appreciation aside, I need some clarification. I've been a subscriber for a few years and have just gone with the flow. I'd like to continue with the auto subscription so I just had a little chat bot interaction and when I asked if I'd be automatically subscribed again on January 4rth, they were confused because there were no previous charges. There was also no way to make a payment and it said billing payment renews January 4. Chatbot couldn't answer, their confusion indicates computers have a long way to go before taking over the world..Yay... but on the other, my question, Will it be automatically taken out (my credit card number is still there) was left unanswered. Knowing Chatbot has nothing on Holly....I'll ask, should I just wait till Jan 4 and hope it renews?
Ugh Con, it's such a bad experience for subscribers (which as a subscriber...like I cannot believe how hard it is to change some of my subscriptions). Afton has this but also, you can always respond to any email and a real person, either Afton or myself, will get to the bottom of it. To the other points, just holding it all so close to my heart. Thanks for being here and pavlovian is a wild compliment <3 xx
Hi! This is Afton, Holly’s assistant. Thank you for your comment! I’ll follow up via email to clarify your subscription details and ensure everything is all set. 😊
This footnote! “We are so fucked up in terms of what we think impact actually is. Impact is having a conversation with a person no one talks to. Impact is holding a door open. Impact is writing something that makes one person feel less alone. I am re-learning this.”
I would like to read seven books on this alone please 😂
<3 GOOD because I just made a list of some
Your writing provides a service and therefore your service should be paid for and should be valued just as any other profession if not more. The great thinkers of our time,YOU, need to be heard/read and be able to provide for themselves and their loved ones. Cheers to your new endeavor!
oh wow I'm actually adding this to my phone reminders. Thanks Ana. wow wow.
So glad you are back. I loved this article - my experience is that I sometimes prefer to do the things I’m “not” holding myself accountable for. Enjoying your continuing candor. ❤️
Yes! Thank you Kevin.
Yes to neurodivergence! Late diagnosed AuDHD here. It is so intertwined with addiction for me. I recently left a sobriety support group because they dismissed the connection between ableism and addiction for neurodivergent people. *sigh
It is SO connected and the thing I've found the most is that addiction is discussed in AuDHD literature but the reverse isn't true. I have a google alert on "ADHD + Addiction" and I get one hit once a week. Anyway, thanks for chiming in on this. And for being here. xx
As someone who has been kind of floundering here for the last year, this felt so helpful and resonant and supportive to read -- and reminded me to take a look at what might need shifting in my own public-facing work. Thank you as ever for your willingness to let your process be witnessed; it makes a difference. xx <3 <3
aww I love you and I'm always here if you want to talk about it. It's not easy but I think we're coming to the same conclusions <3
Hi sweetie, I had to check, but I never opted out of my paid subscription. Hooray! You sound so very clear voiced, it makes me happy. Go for it, woman, be whatever you are . Hugs
Josh <3
Hello from Australia. I’ve signed up as a paid subscriber, I read your book years ago and it had a profound impact on me. Our lives are so different and yet so much of what you say/write resonates strongly. Can’t wait for the newsletters :)
Megan <3