#37 Is it low self-esteem or is it generosity

or both

I’m a person who feels like there is no way I could ever possibly repay you for your kindness. If you take me to dinner, for instance, I’ll remember it, tally it in my head, and the next time we’re out make sure that I have repaid you by a factor of More Than. If you sent me a birthday card seven years ago, I’ve thought about sending you one for seven years and a day. I insist on paying, I insist on driving, I insist on you having that last bite of cake, I couldn’t possibly, it’s my treat, don’t worry about it. This isn’t a thing that I have because I believe in a world of owe and be owed or tit for tat or eye for eye, but a thing I have because I never personally feel like I am allowed to have more than you, to take more than you. I promise you, you will never leave my presence feeling owed. You will always leave with more than which you came, and if you don’t I’ll venmo you.

This is a thing I used to think of as a flaw, something to be outgrown through the natural development of se…