Holly, thank you so much for all of this, but especially for the new section. I see myself reflected in your words with a clarity that throws into sharp relief the essence of what my recovery is about. I’m in the late stages of peri and just got an ADHD diagnosis at the age of 53. It doesn’t feel like a superpower right now, it feels like I’m grieving for the missing pieces of myself, all that lost potential. But I also have a clearer starting point to find the path back to myself. Looking forward to the direction of where your new work is heading. With gratitude, Kim
I think there's a shit ton of us in at least one or two of these intersections, and it's actually beneficial to think about them together (for me at least) because there's common coping, regulating, and skill set building that is relevant to all. Thanks for the feedback!
If I may - I'd like to recommend my book She Recovers Every Day: Meditations for Women. Also, Elizabeth Gilbert's new book on love addiction - All the Way to the River, coming out in September and also Stephanie Covington and Vanessa Carlisle, Awaken Your Sexuality: A Guide to Connection and Intimacy After Addiction and Trauma, also coming out in September. Thanks, Holly!
Thank you for verbalizing what I truly feel about myself in the new section blurb. You nailed it. I feel seen and also relief that there is one other person in this world who understands, yes, IYKYK! Also a misanthropic yogi. Ha.
After getting sober in ‘22, thanks to your book and Tempest, I struggled intensely until I was diagnosed w ADHD at age 45. Sobriety and treatment for ADHD helped me continue to change my life drastically, divorce, etc. Now, 3 yrs later in the thick of perimenopause, and trying to date, I identify with ALL of the things you mention. Fawning, performing, feeling like a target for narcissists, nervous system dysregulation… and I have been really struggling to stay sober. This post from you comes at such a timely moment and I am so grateful for all of the work you have put out over the years. Thank you Holly, from my heart.
Yeah, it's so real and for me the same. It was around that age and that diagnosis; and it's also just a terrible time in the world when you're a sensi so of course you're struggling, i think so many are. Thanks for affirming this direction and I'm so happy and also, so sorry. I really liked Carla Ciccones book on ADHD (Nowhere Girl). Big hug.
Holly, I had to leave a comment for multiple reasons. Firstly, to thank you for sharing such a fantastic and in-depth list of resources. Secondly, to tell you how excited I was to see this in my inbox—being a fan of both your updates and books! And lastly, to mirror you in your journey. Everything you’ve shared resonates *profoundly*. It’s made me feel much less alone. I also agree that Insight meditation has been key for me as well.
One minor comment you made in an email that I read back in approximately 2022 or similar allowed me to realise there was another way besides AA (which was not working for me). I finally got sober (after decades of trying) and now 2+ years later am fully sober from alcohol, yet swimming in the soup of all literally all that you mention here. I say swimming, but for a long time it was drowning, before treading water. I’m 55. I probably have never felt more seen. Thank you ❤️❤️
Thank you for the updated list! I'm particularly interested in the connections between AUD (and other substance use disorders) and ADHD, anxiety, and depression.
It's Not About Food Drugs or Alcohol It's About Healing Complex PTSD is my book and one you mentioned that would have been the perfect book for somebody new to recovery.
Oh, this is a wonderful resource of Quit Lit, thank you so much! My own sobriety began with QLAW (and The Unexpected Joy of... and Drink), but alcohol felt more like a hard-wired habit, clearly defined and isolated and clipped, whereas my eating disorder goes back decades and is so entangled in the wires of my brain it feels impossible to identify and undo, grounded in my body and behaviors and primal experiences/beliefs about the self. (Am I a survivor of narcissistic abuse, a highly sensitive person, a hyper-focused attention disorderee or just your typical exercise-bulimic binge-eater?) Or just a human being with a fucked-up relationship to food?
So, I was wondering if you could possibly cut a slice from your list, say--three to five books that might help me begin to disentangle my menopausal body and brain from a relationship with food that has left me lost and alone, trapped in my own splendid tower of isolation. Or maybe your readers can suggest a starting place to reframe/recover a life-giving reconnection to food?
Oh gosh someone was just asking me about this yesterday and I said I don't do the ED stuff (even though I've recovered), I really don't understand it well enough. First, I did write a three-part series on bulimia (you can search for it in this newsletter--there's a search function on the home page). I think for hormones, the menopause manifesto (and the podcasts I shared, there is for sure a link between hormone balance and stabilized hormones, from what I understand, lead to stabilized all else); I follow intuitive eating, so there's Evelyn Tribole's work; I'd look into parts work, so the IFS stuff (no bad parts AND the one on addictions); and then nervous system management, so something like polyvagal theory (Anchored); and the trauma stuff.
Oh, this is wonderful: thank you, Holly, particularly for the holistic approach to such a tentacled condition. "Quit" one adaptive behavior and, like a Hydra, another pops up to sucker us in. Thanks also for sharing your personal approach; it's what I love about your stuff. So profoundly personal and yet rooted in science and clinical experience. You're a gift to the recovering world.
The Upward Spiral: Using Neuroscience to Reverse the Course of Depression, One Small Change at a Time by Alex Korb (not addiction focused, but incredibly helpful tools when I was stuck at the bottom and needed help clawing my way back up. Gentle and logical and doable.)
This isn't a book recommendation, but as an ADHD-traveler, I think my life has recently been transformed by the "Clutterbug" YouTube channel. Realizing I am not a messy, disorganized person; I just organize differently (visual, detailed- a "bee"!), and for the last 2 months my physical space has been calm and ordered for the first time in my entire life. My entire life.
(There's always a moment in whatever you post that makes me go "hah. same." I also realized recently I'm not an enneagram four. If I'm still using enneagram (which, nothing is perfect, but it's still helpful for me), I came to the shock of being a self-preservation one while waiting for my car to be fixed one morning. Of course I see the beauty and the holiness in all the tiny ordinary things in the world, but I see them for what they can be, and why shouldn't they be? Why not try? But I thought I couldn't be a "perfectionist" because absolutely nothing I'd done was perfect- which is a pretty hilarious train of thought.)
Your experience you prefaced in your new section is me at the moment, well the last 7+ years. Thank you for helping me put verbiage to it. No wonder I’m feeling stuck in a mud pit!
I’ve been sober for 13 years, but feel worse (?) than I did when I was using. Perhaps a different, more amplified, more chaotic, in the bones kind of “worse”.
I’m returning to residential treatment for mental health and help getting off benzos that so many treatment centers from years past put me on and will take some of these books with me. Thank you for giving another perspective and helping to normalize, validate, and thus move through this part.
Thanks for sharing this and I’m so glad you’re getting support. Same—I felt worse in the way you describe and it just feels both cruel bc you tried so hard and also to me it felt like failure or doing something wrong. Big hug 🤍
An incredible memoir by a black woman is: A Piece of Cake by Cupcake Brown.
Another book from Cather Gray (in addition to the TUJOBS) is Sunshine Warm Sober: The Unexpected Joy of being Sober - Forever.
I loved these too:
This Ragged Grace by Octavia Bright
Pour Me, A.A. Gills memoir
Sober on a Drunk Planet, Sean Alexander (series)
A Woman’s Way Through the 12 Steps, Stephanie Covington
The Language Of Letting Go Journal (Hazelden Meditations): A Meditation Book and Journal for Daily Reflection, Melodie Beattie
White Hot Truth: Clarity for Keeping It Real on Your Spiritual Path from One Seeker to Another by Danielle LaPorte
The Way of Integrity: Finding the path to your true self by Martha Beck
TYSM!!!! This is GREAT.
Your resources are essential. Thank you so much for everything you do Holly 💞
Holly, thank you so much for all of this, but especially for the new section. I see myself reflected in your words with a clarity that throws into sharp relief the essence of what my recovery is about. I’m in the late stages of peri and just got an ADHD diagnosis at the age of 53. It doesn’t feel like a superpower right now, it feels like I’m grieving for the missing pieces of myself, all that lost potential. But I also have a clearer starting point to find the path back to myself. Looking forward to the direction of where your new work is heading. With gratitude, Kim
I think there's a shit ton of us in at least one or two of these intersections, and it's actually beneficial to think about them together (for me at least) because there's common coping, regulating, and skill set building that is relevant to all. Thanks for the feedback!
This is so fucking good. An immense resource. THANK YOU
OH YAY!!!! The goal!
If I may - I'd like to recommend my book She Recovers Every Day: Meditations for Women. Also, Elizabeth Gilbert's new book on love addiction - All the Way to the River, coming out in September and also Stephanie Covington and Vanessa Carlisle, Awaken Your Sexuality: A Guide to Connection and Intimacy After Addiction and Trauma, also coming out in September. Thanks, Holly!
Hi dear Dawn!! Thank you for these and yes! She Recovers Everyday is so good!!
Thank you for verbalizing what I truly feel about myself in the new section blurb. You nailed it. I feel seen and also relief that there is one other person in this world who understands, yes, IYKYK! Also a misanthropic yogi. Ha.
When I wrote the heading out I sent it to a friend and said “is this a thing?” and she confirmed it’s a thing 🤍
After getting sober in ‘22, thanks to your book and Tempest, I struggled intensely until I was diagnosed w ADHD at age 45. Sobriety and treatment for ADHD helped me continue to change my life drastically, divorce, etc. Now, 3 yrs later in the thick of perimenopause, and trying to date, I identify with ALL of the things you mention. Fawning, performing, feeling like a target for narcissists, nervous system dysregulation… and I have been really struggling to stay sober. This post from you comes at such a timely moment and I am so grateful for all of the work you have put out over the years. Thank you Holly, from my heart.
Yeah, it's so real and for me the same. It was around that age and that diagnosis; and it's also just a terrible time in the world when you're a sensi so of course you're struggling, i think so many are. Thanks for affirming this direction and I'm so happy and also, so sorry. I really liked Carla Ciccones book on ADHD (Nowhere Girl). Big hug.
Holly, I had to leave a comment for multiple reasons. Firstly, to thank you for sharing such a fantastic and in-depth list of resources. Secondly, to tell you how excited I was to see this in my inbox—being a fan of both your updates and books! And lastly, to mirror you in your journey. Everything you’ve shared resonates *profoundly*. It’s made me feel much less alone. I also agree that Insight meditation has been key for me as well.
Thank you and best wishes! 💖
I am so glad to hear it resonates *profoundly*! Yeah, I think that cross section is a real big pool <3
One minor comment you made in an email that I read back in approximately 2022 or similar allowed me to realise there was another way besides AA (which was not working for me). I finally got sober (after decades of trying) and now 2+ years later am fully sober from alcohol, yet swimming in the soup of all literally all that you mention here. I say swimming, but for a long time it was drowning, before treading water. I’m 55. I probably have never felt more seen. Thank you ❤️❤️
Hi Rachael—thank you for sharing 🤍 and congrats on 2 plus years!! Lots of similar comments here.
Thank you for the updated list! I'm particularly interested in the connections between AUD (and other substance use disorders) and ADHD, anxiety, and depression.
Yes! We'll be diving down that rabbit hole.
It's Not About Food Drugs or Alcohol It's About Healing Complex PTSD is my book and one you mentioned that would have been the perfect book for somebody new to recovery.
Yes! It’s linked above
Hey there again Holly! Wanted you to know that I did find the link that you so graciously included for my book! Thank you so much!
Holly thank you so much! The only problem is I can't seem to locate it. Could you let me know what subheading it's under? Thank you!
Oh, this is a wonderful resource of Quit Lit, thank you so much! My own sobriety began with QLAW (and The Unexpected Joy of... and Drink), but alcohol felt more like a hard-wired habit, clearly defined and isolated and clipped, whereas my eating disorder goes back decades and is so entangled in the wires of my brain it feels impossible to identify and undo, grounded in my body and behaviors and primal experiences/beliefs about the self. (Am I a survivor of narcissistic abuse, a highly sensitive person, a hyper-focused attention disorderee or just your typical exercise-bulimic binge-eater?) Or just a human being with a fucked-up relationship to food?
So, I was wondering if you could possibly cut a slice from your list, say--three to five books that might help me begin to disentangle my menopausal body and brain from a relationship with food that has left me lost and alone, trapped in my own splendid tower of isolation. Or maybe your readers can suggest a starting place to reframe/recover a life-giving reconnection to food?
Oh gosh someone was just asking me about this yesterday and I said I don't do the ED stuff (even though I've recovered), I really don't understand it well enough. First, I did write a three-part series on bulimia (you can search for it in this newsletter--there's a search function on the home page). I think for hormones, the menopause manifesto (and the podcasts I shared, there is for sure a link between hormone balance and stabilized hormones, from what I understand, lead to stabilized all else); I follow intuitive eating, so there's Evelyn Tribole's work; I'd look into parts work, so the IFS stuff (no bad parts AND the one on addictions); and then nervous system management, so something like polyvagal theory (Anchored); and the trauma stuff.
Oh, this is wonderful: thank you, Holly, particularly for the holistic approach to such a tentacled condition. "Quit" one adaptive behavior and, like a Hydra, another pops up to sucker us in. Thanks also for sharing your personal approach; it's what I love about your stuff. So profoundly personal and yet rooted in science and clinical experience. You're a gift to the recovering world.
So many books in there that I hadn't come across. Thank you so much.
oh YAY!
Just love for you Holly. That's all
right back at you <3
The Upward Spiral: Using Neuroscience to Reverse the Course of Depression, One Small Change at a Time by Alex Korb (not addiction focused, but incredibly helpful tools when I was stuck at the bottom and needed help clawing my way back up. Gentle and logical and doable.)
This isn't a book recommendation, but as an ADHD-traveler, I think my life has recently been transformed by the "Clutterbug" YouTube channel. Realizing I am not a messy, disorganized person; I just organize differently (visual, detailed- a "bee"!), and for the last 2 months my physical space has been calm and ordered for the first time in my entire life. My entire life.
(There's always a moment in whatever you post that makes me go "hah. same." I also realized recently I'm not an enneagram four. If I'm still using enneagram (which, nothing is perfect, but it's still helpful for me), I came to the shock of being a self-preservation one while waiting for my car to be fixed one morning. Of course I see the beauty and the holiness in all the tiny ordinary things in the world, but I see them for what they can be, and why shouldn't they be? Why not try? But I thought I couldn't be a "perfectionist" because absolutely nothing I'd done was perfect- which is a pretty hilarious train of thought.)
I love all of this. Just subscribed to Clutterbug; and just recently learned perfectionism is diagnosable.
Honored to be here, what a great list!
YOU ARE THE LIST. Appreciate you and your contribution so so much.
Your experience you prefaced in your new section is me at the moment, well the last 7+ years. Thank you for helping me put verbiage to it. No wonder I’m feeling stuck in a mud pit!
I’ve been sober for 13 years, but feel worse (?) than I did when I was using. Perhaps a different, more amplified, more chaotic, in the bones kind of “worse”.
I’m returning to residential treatment for mental health and help getting off benzos that so many treatment centers from years past put me on and will take some of these books with me. Thank you for giving another perspective and helping to normalize, validate, and thus move through this part.
Thanks for sharing this and I’m so glad you’re getting support. Same—I felt worse in the way you describe and it just feels both cruel bc you tried so hard and also to me it felt like failure or doing something wrong. Big hug 🤍